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How to deal with emotionally abusive friends

How to deal with emotionally abusive friend
How to deal with emotionally abusive friend

Toxic friendships filled with emotional abuse take a toll. Confronting these friends is hard. But you can handle it. Learn to spot abuse, set boundaries, care for yourself, and get support. You can then minimize hurt and take control.

Defining Emotional Abuse in Friendships

Emotional abuse means non-physical actions that hurt someone mentally and emotionally. Abusive friends may:

  • Criticize harshly – Excessively criticize aspects like your looks or relationships in a way that humiliates you.
  • Manipulate covertly – Lie, guilt trip, threaten to end the friendship, or control your choices.
  • Undermine and sabotage – Make you doubt yourself, ruin your goals, and compete with others instead of supporting you.
  • Betray trust – Reveal secrets, spread rumors, and turn others against you.
  • Project blame – Blame you for their problems, refuse responsibility for their actions.

Why Friends Become Emotionally Abusive

Various causes may lead friends to be emotionally abusive:

  • Poor coping skills – May not have healthy ways to handle anger or stress. Lash out instead.
  • Inferiority feelings – Putting you down helps insecure friends feel better about themselves.
  • Learned behaviors – May copy emotional abuse they experienced in past relationships.
  • Inner turmoil outlet – Depression, and anxiety may find an outlet through emotional abuse.
  • Lack of empathy – May have real trouble understanding how they hurt you.

Discover: How to Make Friends in College If You’re an Introvert

Setting Boundaries With Abusive Friends

Enforcing clear boundaries curbs abusive behaviors and protects you from more harm:

  • Name hurtful behaviors – Calmly but firmly tell them exactly what behaviors are unacceptable now and why.
  • State expectations – Clarify exactly how you expect to be treated with basic respect as a friend.
  • Limit contact – If abuse continues after communicating standards, limit interactions to protect yourself.
  • Follow through on consequences – If boundaries remain crossed, follow through on predetermined consequences.
  • Seek counseling – In some cases, counseling together can help reform abusive patterns.

Coping With Emotional Aftermath of Abuse

Hurt from an abusive friend can linger. Active self-care helps process it:

  • Feel emotions – Take time to fully work through complex feelings like grief or anger. Don’t bottle up.
  • Avoid self-blame – You’re not to blame for their behaviors. The blame is solely on the abuser.
  • Practice self-care – Make time for activities that uplift and nurture you emotionally.
  • Seek counseling – Therapists can help overcome trauma and rebuild self-worth. Consider support groups too.
  • Fill your life – Explore new hobbies, and cultivate healthy friendships to offset the void left.

Getting External Support

Don’t keep abusive friendships secret. Discussing them helps:

  • Talk to trusted friends – Share feelings openly with discreet friends who know you both to process things.
  • Involve family – Family can often assess the relationship more objectively.
  • Consult spiritual leaders – Pastors, and ministers may provide counseling on managing abusive relationships.
  • Seek legal protection – Document incidents in case of extreme threats requiring formal intervention.

Ending or improving abusive friendships requires courage, resilience, and support. But you can move forward to only nurture relationships that help you thrive.

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